so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Randomize
