Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
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