We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
He shit in the fireplace
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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