im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
