the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
