My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
