Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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