you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
