i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
