The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
