Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Randomize
