the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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