oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
The beer is more important than you right now.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
They are going to name an STD after you.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
