About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
