I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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