so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
