If i come over, it means nothing
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
