I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
