Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I just want nice things and good sex
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Randomize
