I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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