Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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