I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Randomize
