Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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