Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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