chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Randomize
