HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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