Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
