Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
