Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
