At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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