so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
