i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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