i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
