Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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