listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
