He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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