Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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