Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
