i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize