Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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