i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
