my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Pants are for mortals
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