I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
