Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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