So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
