the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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