Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
