I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Holy sore nipples Batman
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
