He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize