okay pat passed out under dana's car
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
