21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
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