If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
