just tell him i said nine months
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Hippo gnu deer
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize