i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
