She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
