And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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