Your mouth is God's brothel.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
