I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize