how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
