This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
