...so i touched it.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
