Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I need a burrito and a hug.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
