Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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