im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
she smelled like a LAN party
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
So much rum. So many feels.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
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