I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
