he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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