god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
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