bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Randomize
