I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Say something about gay babies.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
