One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
