My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
