dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
