I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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