in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
