Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
