once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
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