We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
