I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
