Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
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