Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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