Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
