I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
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