After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
