You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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