we have pet lesbian snakes
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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