There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
