Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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