You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
