I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
