If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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