i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize