the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
