Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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