did you get engaged???
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
