drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize