I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
